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BDSM experiences can be exhausting; and drain the participants of mental, emotional or physical energy.
As a result, one or all participants may require emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness. Along with this, he or she may experience everything from an exhilaration to traumatization.
"Aftercare" also may include a review or “debriefing” of the activities from experiences of both the Dominant and the submissive.

Some participants may wish to be left alone or have other means of processing the experience.
While the desire to be left alone could stem from just needing rest, it could also result from no longer feeling safe in the current environment or situation.

Common "Aftercare" practices may include hugging, kissing, hair-stroking, cuddling, words of praise or gratitude, or general affirmation of an emotional bond between partners. Occasionally, more "vanilla" sexual activities such as intercourse or oral sex following an intense Scene may also be considered as part of "Aftercare".

Depending on the participants and the intensity of the Scene/Session, anything from blankets, to juice, to chocolate may be needed after the Scene/Session.
Touching, comforting and cuddling are also major factors in Aftercare.

Aftercare in its most simple form is just being there with your partner for a sufficient time period that they feel safe and no longer feel the need to cling to you. It is equally important to recognize that Aftercare is for both the Dominant and the submissive. If either person leaves too soon then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the apparent parameters of the interaction

Aftercare may include a review or debriefing of the activities from experiences of both the Top and the bottom.
How soon this occurs after each Scene/Session will vary.

Why Aftercare Is Often Ignored:

* Very little is written about it in major texts.

* Unlike Play, techniques vary from person to person.

* At a party, one or both people may be in a hurry to get to another partner or Scene/Session.

* It is more intimate, and some have trouble there.

* Lack of knowledge: many think the Scene/Session is just the "Play".

Good news though .... Aftercare can be improved by simply caring about the person you Play with.

D/s relationships are engaged with a passion and intensity that are often so strong that they can strip away at the barriers and defenses that we normally use to protect ourselves from exactly those Extremes.
To "feel" that intensity means that we are not "as safe".
To some extent, we have stepped across our own thresholds of security and exposed some or all parts of our inner selves to the scrutiny and possible damage of others.

Scening can or may be seen as a compromise between what the submissive is seeking or desiring and how close to achieving those desires the Dominant's own fears will allow them to go.
This is a stretching in "both" directions.
Both the Dominant and the submissive often venture into areas they have never gone before. These areas can test their inner strength and resolve, their will and compassion.
To retain "personal integrity" or a belief in ourselves we have to stay within the "codes" that we live by and believe in.
In learning about ourselves, we often test these codes to see if they are indeed "our" codes or codes we have simply adopted at some point along the way.

The road to "emerging" as a Dominant or submissive is filled with these kinds of moral and ethical choices and the contradictions and apparent paradoxes that they present.
Reconciling these contradictions and forming "true" choices of who we are and what lines are inviolate within the self is a process that takes years, and perhaps the entirety of our lives, to discover fully.

When we "expose" ourselves to another human being, there is an expressed obligation by BOTH people to refrain from injury or damage, offer solace, nurturing and care until that sense of exposure recedes.
We call this period of time, "Aftercare".
Most often we associate this term with the time frame immediately following a "Scene/Session".
However, this term is equally applicable at many other points and times and many times is not associated with BDSM or D/s at all. Essentially, it is an "understood" promise that should exist prior to anyone agreeing to engage in any type of relationship.
Often it is overlooked or ignored as an "incidental".
The concentration or focus of many people appears to be on the action "events" such as any and all forms of BDSM or sexual interaction that may and in many cases will occur as part of the relationship. Minimizing the importance of Aftercare is a mistake.
Aftercare is a period of necessary "recovery".
This is a fundamental recovery of the self into a form competent and "safe" to independently interact with other people.

Some aspects of BDSM trigger responses much like intoxication.
The ability of the brain to rationalize or make important or serious decisions may be seriously impaired for a substantial period of time after a Scene/Session.
Scening can and sometimes does summon up long hidden memories, feelings, emotions and traumas that the individual has kept safe behind the barrier wall or mental defense system that during a Scene/Session may suddenly no longer exist.
We maintain these walls through diverting a portion of our mental energy to them at all times. In periods of low stress, this constant trickle of energy is negligible.
In periods of high mental activity, the brain diverts energy toward activities which take precedence.
Managing a BDSM Scene/Session will often become an activity of such importance.
When this occurs, the brain is no longer sustaining the wall and it may simply vanish, exposing what is behind it.

We maintain personal barriers and walls of defense to protect ourselves from things we know, but perhaps have serious trouble dealing with.
An example of this would be an automobile accident.
Some portion of the brain does "know" and fully experienced all that occurred during the accident or event. The extremes of the experience may be so great that a self protective determining factor inside the brain decides that it is "unhealthy" for the cognizant areas of the brain to experience this event through memory loops over and over again.
At that point, this determining factor selectively places this event in a "safe area" or behind one of the brains natural mental barriers or walls.

Should one of these events become exposed, then the individual may re-experience the event.
It is vital to remember that these hidden events were considered to be potentially damaging when the real event occurred, so much so that the brain took active steps to protect the individual from them. Supporting and assuring the person who has re-experienced one of these events that they are "safe" is profoundly important.
The new "information" may be of a nature that they do have great difficulty coping with it and in some cases they may need good professional assistance from a qualified therapist.

Normal Aftercare occurring without such an exposure is often the simple nurturing of one human to another.
The support and protection of and from revealed intimacies and aiding and assisting in rebuilding the former protective walls, barriers or defenses. These protective mental measures appear to rebuild naturally as a simple part of how the brain functions and manages over a period of time.
That time frame will vary with the individual and with the intensity of the experience itself.
Aftercare in its most simple form is just being there with your partner for a sufficient time period that they feel safe and no longer feel the need to cling to you.
It is equally important to recognize that Aftercare is for BOTH the Dominant and the submissive.
If either person leaves too soon, then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the apparent parameters of the interaction.

It is also important to recognize that Aftercare may be a serious factor when a relationship ends and especially when that ending is through the choice of one person and not the other.
To some extent, it remains the obligation of the person who makes that choice to extend Aftercare support in a form agreeable to the person who has not made that choice until they have reached a point where they feel emotionally less devastated or more able to cope with the changed aspects of their life.
In these days of acrimonious breakups, it is common to act without dignity or respect for yourself and for the person whom you have engaged in a serious relationship with.
This type of attack damages everyone involved and is seldom decent, but most often reflects cowardly and selfish actions.

Aftercare is an important part of recovery from a Scene/Session for many people.
It is most common to experience a "drop" in emotions and energy after a Scene/Session anywhere from within hours to even days later. All too often it becomes a necessity to take care of yourself after a Scene/Session because your Top was just visiting or the Play Party is over.
Even after a few days you may need to carry out some Aftercare. Knowing what to do can prevent physical and emotional struggles.

Physically, it may seem obvious that you have marks: bruising, cuts, sore muscles and swelling, etc. that need continued First Aid.
If you haven’t taken First Aid training, you should have a basic medical primer at home. I have one that is called, "Home Medical Care Manual". It’s come in handy for diagnosing general illnesses and in deciding if a visit to the doctor was necessary.

First Aid For Marks

Knowing basic First Aid for abrasions, bruises, cuts and swellings is important to caring for your skin and muscle tissues after an intense Scene/Session.
There are many schools of thought on bruise care, but the best I’ve heard about is, "Arnica Cream", sold in the pharmacy area.
Cool compresses will help cut down swelling.
Treat abrasions and cuts with anti-bacterial and bandages.
Scar reduction cremes may also be helpful if you are afraid of marks lasting longer than you’d like.

"Sub Drop" is when the endorphins you experienced during a Scene/Session suddenly leave your body and it goes into withdrawals. This can be described as similar to drug addiction recovery.
Your body goes through a "crash period" and is personal to each person .... from crying and uncontrollable emotional outbursts, to sadness, depression and anxiety.
You could also experience moments of guilt or doubt about your Scene/Session and what you enjoyed.
"Sub Drop" can come within hours or even days later.
It is typically more common with submissives in long-term or committed relationships than with casual partners.

Guarding Against Sub Drop

Another issue is the emotional and psychological trauma you may have experienced during a Scene/Session.
This can catch up with you shortly after the Scene/Session to even days later when you least expect it.
To guard against it .... drink plenty of water before, during and after a Scene/Session.
Make sure you do not Play while hungry or even slightly ill.
Listen to your body and if it’s giving you signs to stop, you should. The only Limits you should try to break are emotional and non-physical ones.
Your body tells you things for a reason .... LISTEN TO IT!!!
Drink something with simple sugars after Play (orange juice works wonders).

An "Aftercare Kit" can be helpful for Dominants and submissives that experience moderate to severe Drop after Play Scenes/Sessions.
Drop can be associated with feelings of loneliness, mental and physical exhaustion, confusion, insecurity, tremors and many other physical symptoms.
It is important to take care of yourself during times of Drop.

This kit will put all the things necessary at your fingertips (this is by no means an exhaustive list, please feel free to add your own personal selections):

* Warm blanket

* First Aid Kit

* First Aid Manual

* Bath salts

* Bubble bath

* Scented candles

* Incense

* Favorite book

* Prepaid calling card

* Hard candy

* Favorite beverages

* Lotion

* Journal

* Relaxing music

* Letter from your partner

* Stuffed animals

* Coloring books/crayons

* Gift card to favorite restaurant

* Vitamin E

* Favorite movie