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2 Old Friends 11/1/2009
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing
nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who
drives you to the beach?"
0 Comments,
243 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Santa's lap 11/1/2009
A little girl jumps on Santa's lap:
Girl: "For Christmas, I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa: "Don't you know Barbie comes with Ken?"
Girl: "Oh no Santa, Barbie fakes it with Ken, she cums
with G.I. Joe."
0 Comments,
205 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score
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Backseat 11/1/2009
A guy and a gal were in the backseat of his car after having
sex. The guy says to the gal, "If I would have known
you were a virgin I would have taken more time." The
gal replies, "Hell, if I'd a known you had more
time, I'd a taken off my pantyhose."
1 Comments,
286 Views,
7 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Italian Bread 10/30/2009
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual
park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished
his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.The
80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked
him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said,
"Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your
energy level high and you'll have great stamina with
the ...
1 Comments,
209 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Eternally yours...NOT! 10/29/2009
A couple decided to renew their wedding vows at a party for
their 25th wedding anniversary. Friends and family gathered.
The wife first recited the lines she wrote for her part.
Next the husband read the words the that wife had written
for him. He got to a point in the vows where he read they would
be together for all eternity and he said, "Wait! Eternity
wasn't in our original vows." She said, ...
0 Comments,
191 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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Riddle me this.... 10/29/2009
Riddle Me This....
Here's a little something to get you thinking. The
answers are below, but give each a chance before looking.
NO CHEATING!
Riddles:
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask
you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?
2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
bored. The best man always has me first. ...
1 Comments,
254 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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11 husbands ....just had to share 10/27/2009
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously
divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told
her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a
virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom, "How
can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he
kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband #2 was in ...
3 Comments,
341 Views,
13 Votes
,6.16 Score
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Sheep 9/20/2009
One sunny day I was driving through the countryside when
I spotted a naked man in a field. He was stood up, holding
a sheep by its back legs, and positioned between them.
I wound down the car window and shouted to him, "Are
you shearing that sheep?".
To which he replied, "No, fuck off and find your own
sheep".
0 Comments,
210 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score
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DECISION 7/26/2009
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up
on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and
everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently,
but the fact is, your penis was chopped off in the wreck and we were ...
0 Comments,
236 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Penis Study 5/21/2009
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine
why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The
study concluded that the reason the head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with
more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct
their own study on the same ...
0 Comments,
196 Views,
21 Votes
,6.34 Score
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Few jokes for a few giggles. 5/18/2009
The big bad wolf said: "I'll huff, and I'll
puff, and I'll blow your house down!" The little pig replies: "Fuck
off or I'll sneeze on you!"
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I dont know and I dont care.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his
mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with
Mary, her eight-year-old . ...
2 Comments,
164 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
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A redneck meets Jesus 5/5/2009
A bartender was washing glasses one afternoon when an elderly
Irishman came in.
With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg
over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked
for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that
Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman
told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too. ...
3 Comments,
274 Views,
20 Votes
,5.81 Score
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The love story of Ralph and Edna... 4/22/2009
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want
them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with
all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital
swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She ...
0 Comments,
174 Views,
12 Votes
,5.45 Score
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The perfect shoes 3/12/2009
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a
pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very
reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were
asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one
of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well
then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my ...
0 Comments,
132 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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The perfect shoes 3/12/2009
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a
pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very
reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were
asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one
of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well
then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my ...
1 Comments,
59 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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Honeymoon Breakfast 3/11/2009
Three newlywed couples were on their honeymoon and staying
in a packed hotel. As a result of the hotel being full, all
the tables in the restaurant were quite tightly packed
together for the breakfast service.
The three newlyweds are sat at tables very close to each
other, and their conversations can easily be overheard
by each other.
One couple from the north east, who are ...
1 Comments,
184 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
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To fascinate 3/6/2009
A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate
in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The
sky is fascinating."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."
Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the
tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."
The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."
So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My ...
0 Comments,
126 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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Home remedies 3/3/2009
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop.
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet
seat by using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself
and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm ...
0 Comments,
68 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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Thank you for calleing me a bitch 3/2/2009
Does A/anyone know what a bitch truly is???
B eautiful
I ntellligent
T houghtful
C harming
H orny hope that clears things up
respectfully submitted by Master Doogiesassman's girl soveh
1 Comments,
47 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Barbie 3/2/2009
I was reading blogs this morning and came across this and
just had to share. Thank you
1subtle_kitten
for a good morning belly laugh.
One day a father gets out of work and on his
way home he suddenly remembers that it's his 's
birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person,
"How much for one of those Barbies in the display ...
3 Comments,
204 Views,
17 Votes
,5.39 Score
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The Gorilla Joke 2/20/2009
Quite some years ago, a rich hunter paid an extravagant
amount for a safari in Africa, the object of which was to
hunt the great Mountain Gorilla. The outfitter equipped
him with a huge native guide, Nagumba, and an even huger
brindled hunting dog. After Nagumba watched the hunter
carefully sight in his rifle, the three headed for the bush,
in gorilla territory.
The first day, they ...
1 Comments,
102 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score
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The Episcapalean Nuns 2/20/2009
One afternoon there was a terrible crash involving a church
bus, and three female passengers arrived at the Pearly
Gates together. When Saint Peter asked them if they were
religious, they assured him that they were good Episcapaleans.
When he asked their profession, they told him they were
nuns.
Saint Peter asked them to wait, while he conferred with
the Bossman. He told God about the ...
1 Comments,
136 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
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What did one sperm say to the other? 2/4/2009
"Quit swimming, it's a blow job!!
0 Comments,
82 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score
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Things that happen for a colonoscopy 2/3/2009
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist
for the Miami Herald.
This is from news hound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to
make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later,
in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon,
a lengthy organ that appears ...
1 Comments,
103 Views,
12 Votes
,5.27 Score
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$7 sex 1/30/2009
A Florida couple in their 80's went to a sex therapist's
office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man
says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? ' The doctor raises
both eyebrows, But he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking
for sexual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way
you have ...
1 Comments,
169 Views,
16 Votes
,5.63 Score
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Cross breeding 1/28/2009
Q What do you get if you cross an agnostic with a dyslexic insomniac ?
A Somebody who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
0 Comments,
87 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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worse jokes ever 1/24/2009
whats your favourite bad jokes?? the ones you cant help
but laugh at because they are so bad here are mine:
a fish swims into a wall damn! a guy walks into a bar ouch! man walks into the pub with a piece of concrete he says to
the barman one for me and one for the road
yep there bad but i love them!!
3 Comments,
94 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Three guys in a bar...... 1/18/2009
There were three guys in a bar discussing what drives their
ladies crazy in bed. First guy says " when I come home, I bring my lady a
dozen roses. We go to the bedroom where she strips naked
and lays on the bed. I then take all the petals off the roses
and lay them over her body. Then, I proceed to gently blow
them off with my mouth, and boy does that drive her crazy
with desire".
"Well" ...
0 Comments,
173 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Nuts 1/16/2009
Q - What do you call nuts on a wall ?
A - Walnuts ! _____
Q - What do you call nuts on a chest ?
A - Chestnuts ! _____
Q - What do you call nuts on a chin ?
A - Blowjob !
1 Comments,
106 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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What's the difference......again 1/7/2009
What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex
?
A blowjob will make your day, but anal sex will make your
hole weak !
0 Comments,
95 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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