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He Doesn't Want Just Any Submissive...
Posted:May 22, 2017 4:23 am
Last Updated:May 22, 2017 1:44 pm
He Doesn’t Want Just Any Submissive...

He wants all of her
Every scar
Every wrinkle
Even the bane to her existence

He knows what she needs
To feel safe
To feel loved
Hence to be worshiped

He would just as soon kneel to her
Not bearing his hand
Not releasing the cane
Not causing any pain

His Dominance is a delicate balance
Mind over matter
Pain versus release
Pleasure that breeds desire

His vision of a submissive does not include
Candy coated chocolate
Fixing something broken
Or finding someone fake

His Dominance lies in the desire
To be the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle
To be her superhero
To be the rock she wants to climb

He can and will
Make her come
Make her squirt
Make her lust for him

A true Dominant seeks more than his own sexual gratification. Therefore, he does not want just any submissive.

~Library for Kinksters...
~Finding Love When You Least Expect It...
Posted:May 21, 2017 3:40 pm
Last Updated:May 22, 2017 3:39 am
~Finding Love When You Least Expect It...

People love to tell single people, “You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it”. While this can grate on your nerves, it’s actually true for many us. Why are we more likely to find true love when we aren’t looking? Here are some of the reasons why:

*You’re relaxed. When you’re not actively on the hunt for a new boyfriend/girlfriend you are more relaxed and at ease. You approach social situations with the intention of just having fun, instead of trying to be “on” and impress other people. When you’re more casual and relaxed other people can sense it and are more likely to be drawn to you. We are attracted to people that seem to be at ease, rather than those who seem like they are trying too hard or trying to impress.

*You’re more confident. When you’re looking for romance and not finding it your ego and your confidence can take a major hit. If you’re not looking, then the pressure is off and this can make you more confident in yourself. Other people can sense your confidence and are more attracted to it than they would be if you were feeling down and out, or self-conscious about being single.

*You’re not forcing it. If you’re bound and determined to find a partner it’s easy to get a little overzealous and try too hard to make it work. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be but we want something so badly that we try and try to make it happen.When you’re not looking for romance you don’t waste your time trying to force it to work with the wrong people. Instead, you’re more available without even realizing it and more ready to meet the right person.

*You’re open. Sometimes looking for romance is like having blinders on. You aren’t interested in talking to people at parties that are already in relationships or aren’t potential partners, so you narrow your focus to only include people who are eligible candidates. You are missing out on making connections and friendships with people who could potentially enrich your life in other ways, or even introduce you to a future partner. When you’re not looking for a partner, you’re more open to talking to anyone and meeting new people. The more people you know, single or not, the greater the chance of you finding that special person in the end.

*You don’t seem desperate. People can sense desperation a mile away and it’s a huge turnoff. If you’re so focused on finding a partner you can easily come on too strong or give off signs of desperation, which scares people away. When you’re not looking you’re relaxed and not trying to make anything happen – you’re just trying to have fun and enjoy yourself. People are way more attracted to someone who is having a fun time with no agenda than they are to someone who is desperately looking for love.

–-Dominant Life
BDSM: Isn’t That A Sex Thing?
Posted:May 21, 2017 6:11 am
Last Updated:May 22, 2017 11:04 am
BDSM: Isn’t That A Sex Thing?

it’s also a respect thing
it’s also a consent thing
it’s also a love thing
it’s also an honest thing
it’s also a personal expression thing
it’s also a communication thing
it’s also an acceptable thing

It’s also a friendship thing
The People You Need In Your Life...
Posted:May 20, 2017 10:10 am
Last Updated:May 20, 2017 6:41 pm
The People You Need In Your Life...

No man is an island, as the saying goes, and it’s true. No matter how strong and capable we are as individuals, it’s the other people in our lives that we share our experiences with that make our lives whole and give them meaning. You certainly don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy, but if these are the people you need in your life to be the best version of yourself and live a happy and complete life:

~Those who we can cry to. We all need a shoulder to cry on from time to time, no matter how tough and independent we are. Even if you don’t ever actually cry to them, just knowing that you have someone there for you that you can turn to is a huge comfort. Knowing that someone is there for you when times are tough helps you feel supported and reminds you that you’re never alone, no matter how bad things get.

~Those who pep us up. When we’re stuck in a rut, down in the dumps, or just feeling bad about ourselves, we all need a friend who is there to help shake us out of our funk and help get us back on our feet. Some people are just natural optimists and these people are great cheerleaders, always there to help us shake the dust off and boost our moods so we feel ready to tackle life’s challenges. They make us see that things aren’t as bad as we think and that we are strong enough to handle whatever life throws at us.

~Those who love us unconditionally. We all need someone in our life who loves us no matter how badly we screw up. No one is exempt from making bad decisions, being embarrassed or experiencing hard times, and when life gets tough we see who our true friends are. Many people will abandon us when we’re down and out, but certain friends or family members love us unconditionally. Having their constant support means that we always have someone in our corner, no matter what.

~Those who inspire. The people who inspire us might not even be people that we know. They might be celebrities, professional athletes, business leaders or philanthropists that we will never meet, but the point is that we all need people that we look up to and aspire to be like. These people give us direction, motivation and a sense of purpose that we can focus on. They help us daydream about what we want our lives to be like and help us set goals to make those dreams a reality.

~Those who keep us grounded. We all need friends and family that know the real us, who we can just “be” with without having to be on our a-game, or whom we don’t have to impress and entertain. These are the people we can totally relax and be ourselves with. They know and love the real us. They help keep us grounded because we know that no matter how much our happiness, success or our plans for our lives go up or down they will always be there as a constant in our lives. They’ll never let our egos get overinflated or let us pretend to be someone we aren’t.

~Those who challenge us. Some people in life just push our buttons. Although it seems like we could really live without these people in our lives, they are actually great to have around. They irk and irritate us, but more importantly, they challenge us. Having someone that challenges you is what keeps you on your toes and helps you to keep growing, changing and striving to be your best. Being challenged means we won’t get complacent, lazy or sluggish. Even though these people can be irritating to us, they are actually a great influence on our motivation.

~Library for Kinksters
Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)...
Posted:May 20, 2017 5:53 am
Last Updated:May 22, 2017 11:04 am
Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)...

For most people, rope from a hardware store is just fine. However, there’s more to bondage rope than meets the eye. Finding bondage rope - especially really good bondage rope - isn’t as simple as snagging 100 feet of clothesline at the hardware store and putting a bow on it. In this article, I’ll give you some insight into what makes rope suitable for bondage, and how to choose just the sort of rope you and your partner will enjoy for whatever sort of play you like.

The most hardware store rope is made of synthetic fibers - usually nylon or polypropylene. Occasionally you’ll see natural fibers, most often cotton and sometimes jute or sisal (avoid these last two, as they’re much too rough for comfort). You can get hemp bondage rope from specialty suppliers - about which more later.
Synthetic fibers tend to feel slippery and look glossy. Natural fiber rope lacks that glossy look and feels more “nappy.” This is because natural fibers tend to have a lot of what rope-mavens call “tooth.” That means the rope tends to grip itself, so it holds knots better. This advantage of natural fiber doesn’t matter for most bondage applications: Most ties work just fine with synthetic rope. But if you want to get into Japanese bondage then you’ll want to invest in authentic hemp. Hemp is THE rope for traditional Japanese bondage, and the style has evolved with very simple knots because of that natural tooth.

As for structure, the rope comes in three basic forms: Solid braid, twisted and braided with a core. Braided with the core is just what it sounds like: a braided sheath over a fiber core for extra strength. It’s cheaper than solid braid in most cases. Braided vs twisted is pretty obvious just from looking. The difference between solid braid and braid with the core is subtle: usually, you’ll have to check the label for that, or cut the rope - you can see the core clearly then.
Synthetic fiber rope usually feels better against the skin. I usually recommend solid braid nylon as the simplest basic bondage rope. If you already have scored rope then you can make it much softer and more supple by pulling the core out. You’ll reduce the strength of the rope by about 70% but for ordinary bondage that should be fine. You just won’t want to do suspension with it. I have some rope in my own toy bag that I’ve modified this way, and I use it for a few special purposes. However, if you have a choice, go with solid braid to start.

Thick, thin, or something in between?
As for diameter, that’s very much a matter of taste. Broadly speaking, the thinner rope is easier to tie, but “bites” the skin more. Thicker rope feels gentler but is harder to tie good knots in. I usually use rope between 1/4” and 3/8”. I use 1/4” rope for cuff tie-downs, but if the rope is going to go next to skin I prefer 5/16”. Some people like rope as thick as 1/2”. I don’t recommend rope thinner than 1/4” or thicker than 1/2”. Experiment with different diameters and strike your own balance.

Purchasing your rope
You can get most of your rope from the hardware store. This is a good thing since one of the firmest rules is “never buy rope that you haven’t felt.” The thing is, rope from the hardware store varies widely in feel. So if you buy from the hardware store then feel it first. Good bondage rope should feel soft and compressible, flexible, good on the skin. If you can let the person you plan to tie with it feel it, all the better. Your best bet is rope on open coils. Avoid those sealed plastic packages. Look around until you find rope with the weight, suppleness, and softness you like.

What length should my rope be?
How much of it will you need? Many rope-fans like to organize their rope into “sets” each consisting of a single long piece of rope cut into various standard lengths. This allows them to make all the rope in a given tie match, which some of us anal-retentive types appreciate. The standard lengths you need depend on the sort of bondage you like to do. You can use these guidelines for buying single lengths of rope, or for buying a long piece and cutting it down to a set:

40-50 feet: Body harnesses for most average-size people.
25-30 feet: Chest harnesses, crotch ropes, body harnesses on smaller people. Overall this is probably the single most versatile length.
15 feet: Ties on knees, ankles, or elbows. Wrist ties where you want some rope left over for tying off to something. This is also a good length for making rope “cuffs” for each wrist or ankle (aka “Single-limb ties”).
10 feet: basic wrist or ankle ties.
5-6 feet: a handy length for securing leather cuffs to a bed or other attachment point.
On the whole, it’s better to have too much rope for a given tie than not enough.
Using these guidelines, here’s how I cut up 260 feet of rope to make a typical set for my own bondage work:
1 x 50 feet
4 x 30 feet
3 x 15 feet
2 x 10 feet
4 x 6 feet

Cutting & finishing
There are two steps to preparing your rope: cutting it to the desired length, and finishing the cut ends. Cutting is easy: First measure off the length you want. I use the fact that my outstretched arms are almost exactly 6 feet from fingertip to fingertip as a handy guide. Next, mark the cutting point by wrapping the rope with electrical tape or masking tape on either side of the point you plan to cut (leave about 3/4” of bare rope between the tape wrappings). Finally just cut the rope between the two pieces of tape. The tape will hold the rope ends and keep them from unraveling after you cut them.
You can leave the tape wrappings as they are, or you can finish the ends a little more neatly. I like to use colored electrical tape on the ends of each of my ropes, color-coded so I can tell how long a given rope is just by glancing at the ends. Other riggers like to use a neutral color tape and a permanent marker to write the length directly. If I’m feeling very fancy I will “whip” the ends of my rope with waxed twine to keep the ends neat. It’s prettier than tape but significantly more work. Wikipedia has an excellent article on rope whipping here:
There’s one common method of finishing the ends that I do not recommend. With synthetic fibers such as nylon, many people will melt the ends of the rope with a flame of some sort. This works well enough for ordinary utility rope, but I don’t think it’s very attractive for bondage rope. Even more important the hard ends this creates may scratch the bottom who wears your ropes, and they may also catch in the fibers of other ropes when they’re stored together. And of course, melting won’t work at all with natural fiber rope, whereas tape or whipping will. There are so many better ways to finish your ropes that I think melting just isn’t worth the trouble.

Taking care of your rope
With proper care, your rope should last for quite a long time. Avoid getting it dirty, as grit (whether from the dirt itself or drawn in by greasy stains) will gradually wear away at the rope fibers, weakening it. Likewise, don’t let your rope sit in the bag if it’s wet. Mildew will set in.
If you need to wash your rope then the best way is by hand in a sink. If you need to use a washing machine then put the rope in a small net bag such as those used for washing stockings and other delicates. This will keep your rope from wrapping around the agitator in the washing machine. In either case, use a mild detergent, and let your rope hang dry. Don’t put it in a dryer.
To store your rope, coil it in some secure way and put it away in a drawer, chest, or toy bag. Everyone has his own favorite way to coil rope. The important thing is that whatever method you use has to be secure enough to keep the coil from coming loose in the bag. If it does come loose then you end up with “rope salad,” and that’s just not cool.
For a very simple storage coil, just coil the rope up in some handy way, then tie a single knot in the middle of the coil to keep it from coming loose. There are lots of other ways of course. My personal favorite is the “chain sennit,” which looks a lot like crochet, only with rope.

I hope these suggestions and tips have given you a better idea of the kind of rope you might want to buy and how to take care of it. Hope you’ll enjoy yours as much as we do.

~Dominant Life
The Dalai Lama’s Rules for Living
Posted:May 19, 2017 5:09 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2017 7:58 pm
The Dalai Lama’s Rules for living

When I'm Down
Posted:May 18, 2017 11:49 am
Last Updated:May 19, 2017 7:58 pm
When I'm Down
Lyrics By: Chris Cornell
Album: Euphoria Morning

What say you now?
The door is opening on your vigil
And I'm in my usual way
I save my breath, knowing what you're
Wanting me to say
I only love you when I'm down
You say that midnight opens its arms to me
Leaving you alone, and I fly so far away
Until the light blurs my vision
And I have nowhere to roam
I only love you when I'm down
And I only love you when I'm down
And I'm only near you when I'm gone
But one thing for you to keep in mind, you know
I'm down all the time
Well I know you're reaching out
And you need to feel my hand
You want to be understood, yeah well I understand
I know you hold precious little hope for me
And in your happiness
I'm always drowning in my grief
And I only love you when I'm down
And I'm only near you when I'm gone
But one thing for you to keep in mind, you know
I'm down all the time
All the time, all the time, all the time

R.I.P. Chris Cornell
Limits in BDSM...
Posted:May 18, 2017 11:22 am
Last Updated:May 21, 2017 2:06 pm
Limits in BDSM....

In every new relationship, at some point, the topic of limits will be discussed. What are your limits?

Everybody has limits, fact. It could be for health reasons, phobias, fear, safety, triggers or any other reason which is unappealing or disliked. If it is unacceptable, unappealing and unwanted it will be a limit. There will come a point in a relationship when something will become a limit. Think about this hypothetical scenario; a Dom suddenly decides he wants to see his sub-gang banged by a bar full of guys. Is that perfectly acceptable for him to do this without her consent? With no discussion or thought to her safety and wellbeing? What about her morals and ethics? Still okay with this scenario? She claims she has no limits, right?

For those who are uncertain or confused by what limits are, they are two main types - Hard and soft limits. A soft limit is something that may not be what you think you want at this time, but are willing to try in the right circumstance or with a particular Dominant. Or you would be willing for your Dom to persuade you in scene if the conditions were suitable. A hard limit is something that should never be done under any circumstance. The line in the sand that is never to be crossed. As the relationship develops and a greater amount of trust is established, limits may very well change. What was once a hard limit may become something that is now pleasurable and part of a scene or may become a soft limit. Likewise, a soft limit may become a hard limit. In time, your risk levels will expand. For this reason, limits should be discussed from time to time to establish these new boundaries.

To establish limits and discover what your limits are, discuss what appeals to you and what you find unappealing. Whether or not you like or dislike an activity is a matter of personal choice, taste, and experience.For the new submissive, it’s important to look inside yourself and discover what your boundaries and limits are before searching for a partner. This could be absolutely anything you do not like, want, find appealing or whatever. Maybe you hate your feet been touched? Maybe being enclosed in a tight space because you suffer from claustrophobia? There are also the unwritten or obvious limits that need no written contract, which is anything illegal, animals, minors, etc. which are far outside the ‘moral’ code of human behavior and a D/s relationship. Basically, anything that is of no interest to either partner will be outside their boundaries and will not come into the dynamic and become absolutes.

Pre-arranged limits are different from personal limits. These are mutually agreed by both partners before a D/s relationship is entered into. These could include; no third parties allowed into the relationship, maximum number of people allowed to join a scene, etc. These lines are never to be crossed without a prior discussion at the very least.

Limits are also used to help determine compatibility when searching for a partner. A little may search for a Daddy Dom, but if the DD has a hard limit RE ageplay and that’s your kink… or maybe you don’t like pain and your new Dom has a limit that insists on sadism towards the sub. Again, communication is the way forward.

Limits can also be positive with regards to D/s. For example, a submissive may only enter into a scene (or relationship) with the strict instruction that a lot of spanking is to be included or she is not willing to participate (or enter into a relationship).

In a long-term, well-established D/s relationship there very well may be ‘no limits’ because both partners have established enough trust within the relationship and stay within the boundaries of their dynamic. To them, they play safe, safe and consensually and never step outside of their comfort zone. They know what is and is not acceptable. They know their own kink is in sync and want the same experiences. There is a level of trust that exists between the two partners that they can say ‘we have no limits’ because every part of their relationship is tried and tested, they are in tune and they know each other extremely well. There is no ‘outside the box’ to their dynamic, everything remains within the confines of what has already been established. Technically, they both have limits. It’s just that they are so in sync together it just ‘appears’ that they have none.

Never say you do not have any limits. Would you like to be suffocated? Tortured? Sleep naked outside? Maybe have your Doms name tattooed on your forehead? Or branded? Now or somewhere in time, there will be something that you do not want or like or do not want to do. Know your limits and express them to your partner.

For the benefit of the reader. This article was written with the BDSM mantra of SSC, safe, sane and consensual in mind. It is for information purposes only. Take from this what you will. This is also gendered universal.

~Library For Kinksters
Meditation and Mindfulness
Posted:May 17, 2017 3:37 pm
Last Updated:May 18, 2017 11:12 am
Meditation and Mindfulness

Meditation is a mindfulness practice that allows you to “let go” and be present in the moment. In the fast-paced world that we live in, we often do not take the time to clear our heads and be truly present in our surroundings. This can be especially true for if you live with mental illness because we often experience high levels of anxiety or constantly racing thoughts.

There are numerous meditation techniques, which often work in combination with one another. Meditation, or sitting quietly in the present moment, can require a small time commitment of just five minutes up to, if time allows, even hours. Meditation takes practice; retraining your mind to let go does not happen immediately, but if you take the time to practice once a day or a few times a week, it becomes increasingly easier to access a meditative state. Making meditation a part of your life can lead to lower levels of stress and anxiety and a greater level of personal connectedness. Try the steps below to begin your meditation practice.

1. Find a quiet place where you can be alone and away from distractions such as the conversatio ns of others, the television or the radio.

2. Sit down, either on the floor, a cushion, grass or a chair. Keep your shoulders back and your head upright. If sitting in a chair keep your back straight. You can also lie on your back. Wherever you decide to sit make sure you are comfortable.

3. Rest your hands flat on your legs or clasp them together, laying them on your waist. Again, do whatever is most comfortable for you.

4. Stay still. You can close your eyes or lower your gaze, letting your eyes de-focus on the tip of your nose or an inch or two in front of your face.

5. Focus on your breathing, feel your surroundings, feel the air brushing against you, the ground or the object you are sitting on.

6. Clear your thoughts. Your mind will naturally begin to wander when meditating; it is inevitable, especially when you are first starting. Instead of fighting these thoughts, simply try to let them go and return back to your meditative focus and correct body position.

7. The more you practice the easier it becomes to get into and stay in a meditative state. Start with five-minute sessions. As you become more comfortable increase the amount of time you put aside to meditate.

~Library for Kinksters
8 Tips for Healing a Broken Heart
Posted:May 17, 2017 7:46 am
Last Updated:May 18, 2017 11:13 am
8 Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

1. Go through – don’t hide from - the experience. You need to fully experience all the negative emotions before the healing process can begin.

2. Allow yourself to wallow in your independence. Don’t rush into a new relationship. You don’t need another person to make you feel complete. You’re enough in yourself. You are NOT inadequate.

3. Make a list of your strengths. It’s important that you focus on your good qualities as a broken heart can cause our self-esteem to plummet. Make a note of your successes and accomplishments. They didn’t disappear with the relationship!

4. Don’t try to suppress all the memories you have. Allow yourself some time to go over one or two … But don’t pitch your tent there - as the future’s now your focus.

5. Reach out to others who are suffering. You’re not the only person who is having a hard time (although you often feel you are when you’re broken-hearted) … and comforting another will distract you from your pain.

6. Allow yourself to laugh, and allow yourself to cry. Both of these are healing and can bring release. They can help us feel more “normal” and can bring a sense of peace.

7. Make a “good and bad list”. Make a list of all the things that you need to stop doing, to try and put some distance between you and them. For example, if you’re always checking their stuff on facebook then you’ll likely find it is harder to get them out mind. Alternatively, going out for a jog or meeting up with a friend can help to lift your spirits, and to change the way you feel.

8. Hang onto your hope. When a relationship ends (or if our love is unrequited) we can feel that life is pointless as there’s nothing good ahead. But the future is still open – and there’s definitely hope … And one day you will notice that you’re smiling naturally.

Hope is Always A Good Thing.....

~Dominant Life

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