Laughter
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Posted:Sep 7, 2022 3:26 am
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2023 1:37 am 12754 Views
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11
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Pain
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Posted:Sep 6, 2022 3:04 am
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2023 1:37 am 12198 Views
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Pain is not the most important tool in Dominance and submission, yet it is a most worthy tool. Pain breaks down barriers and defenses. And for intensifying the orgasm? There are few superior devices a Dom has to achieve such, other than varying degrees of pain.
~Nikki Sex
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13
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D/s
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Posted:Sep 5, 2022 2:25 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2023 3:19 am 13048 Views
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D/s can be dangerous because it explores the most primitive sides of ourselves. Those involved must have a high degree of trust and very, very healthy devotion to one another. Like religion, it can be a spiritually enlightening experience, or it, an expression of psychosis. And somewhere in between, it can be tremendously fun.
~Joey W. Hill
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19
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This is what I am...
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Posted:Sep 4, 2022 8:33 pm
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2024 2:20 am 11243 Views
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“Show me,” he says in that dark voice that permits no dissension or prevarication. “Show me what a dirty, wet, needy girl you really are. Show me how wet you get when I hurt you. Make that greedy little pussy of yours cum, just for me.”
And when I slide my fingers through my own sticky wetness, my cheeks flaming as I listen to the squishy sounds of my own pleasure, my knees spread wide to show him all the secrets of my body, I can’t stop the whimpers in the back of my throat or the tightening of my nipples as my body nears the orgasm, he demanded from me.
He doesn’t care that it still embarrasses me. The tears of humiliation in the corners of my eyes just make him harder when I look up at him and beg for his permission to cum, like the depraved little slut he knows I am. It’s the slap of the flogger on my nipples that tips me over, along with the growl of his voice in my ear as he hisses, “Show me how you make my pussy cum, slut. You know you want to. Now. Come for me.”
I am. His pet. His plaything. His toy. His dirty, greedy girl. And I will scream my orgasm for him to watch and enjoy, because when it’s over and I’m shaking in his arms and he kisses my hair and whispers, “That’s my good girl,” it was all worth it, just for Him.
This is what I am. Even when it embarrasses me, these things I will do to please him, the needy little animal he’s turned me into just by being who he is and insisting on the things he wants, I can’t help but give him everything he asks for.
~ ravelledsleave
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6
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What Does Vetting Look Like?
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Posted:Sep 1, 2022 2:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 1, 2023 3:20 am 14133 Views
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If you do any significant amount of reading about D/s you’re sure to encounter the idea that it is the responsibility of each party to ‘vet’ the other before formalizing a relationship. This advice is normally aimed at submissives, and my writing will be too because it brings me to point number one…
Until the point where a submissive has agreed to enter into the power exchange dynamic, it is the submissive who is in control. I know, that’s an uncomfortable thing. We don’t enjoy taking control, and the idea of being responsible for such a big decision is daunting, but it’s very important.
Giving control over your body, and your well-being, to another person, is to be taken incredibly seriously, and you can’t make someone else responsible. If you decide to give your power to someone you haven’t taken the time to vet, it would be unfair not to take some of the responsibility when things go south. If you invite a snake into your bed, you have to take responsibility when he bites.
The first step to vetting someone is to get to know them as a person. Just like every other relationship. The vanilla things matter. Let me repeat that in case it didn’t sink in… the vanilla things matter. Your morals, religion, hobbies, and personalities need to align the same way any other couple should.
That doesn’t mean they need to be the same. It’s okay if he loves hiking and you’d rather sit in with a book, but these things must align. There shouldn’t be contention every time you discuss what to do on Saturday, and you shouldn’t feel that you’re compromising yourself to make it work. You’ll want to avoid letting sex and kink be the main topic of conversation at this point.
As you’re getting to know this person, you’ll probably start seeing little glimpses of dominance peeking through. You’ll notice the way he checks in often, asks you to call when you’ve arrived home safely, or tells you where you’ll be going for dinner rather than asking.
The next step in your vetting is going to be giving him opportunities to lead. Push small pieces of power over the line and watch to see what he does with them. Watch carefully, and be honest with yourself about how he responds. Does it feel right? Is he putting your well-being above his desires?
Tell him you’ve been feeling tired in the mornings before work and don’t know if you should try showering at night, what does he think? Does he ask questions about when you go to bed? Does he say “whatever you think,” or otherwise let the opportunity to decide for you pass? Does he send you to bed when you have an early day even though he’d rather stay on the phone? These little ‘tests’ are all insignificant in themselves, but they combine to give you a very clear picture of what sort of leader you have.
This is the point where discussion of your future/potential dynamic will start coming into the picture. Let him know how you feel about the decisions he’s made for you. “It was nice not to have to decide… thank you for ordering for me…It made me feel really cared for when you called because I didn’t text when I got home.” Then start asking questions. LOTS OF THEM.
Discuss kinks, sure, but don’t let that be the only thing. Ask him what he imagines the day-to-day looking like. How much free time does he have? Why did it end with his last submissive? Are there any things that are must-haves? Limits? This is when the discussion crosses past the vanilla and becomes about shaping a dynamic. You want to find out what is important to each other, what sort of control will he want? How will he exercise it?
Continue pushing pieces of power over the line and keep watching to see what happens. Don’t rush it. If this is the right Dominant for you, then you’ll know over time. Does he own it when he’s made a mistake, or does he try to cover it with excuses? How does he react when you’ve forgotten to do something he asked? Does he speak poorly about every woman he’s ever been with? If so, this is a red flag you should be aware of. Sexual tensions are high at the beginning of a relationship. It’s exciting for both parties, but does every conversation come back to sex?
If you take to vetting this way, with open honest communication about the dynamic, there will be no question that you are looking to be his, and that he is looking to own you. Some traditionalists feel it’s the sub’s responsibility to first approach the Dominant seeking ownership, and you’ll probably want to discuss expectations about this before the time comes so no one is left wondering what they’ve done wrong.
Have fun. Enjoy the journey, and above all don’t rush the process. If it’s the right person you’ll be glad you took the time. If it’s the wrong person, you’ll be even more grateful.
pleasurewhore~
*Archive
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5
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Thoughts on Exploring D/s
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Posted:Aug 30, 2022 3:50 am
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2023 1:34 am 14335 Views
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Since life is short, often too short, Benjamin Franklin famously said “Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today” and while so much has changed since Mr. Franklin’s time, the advice is still solid. It is very easy to fall into the trap of finding why not thoughts rather than taking a second, changing that thought from why you cannot into reasons why you should just do it. This is especially true within this lifestyle and even more so if you are new. Things can feel overwhelming from terminology, what role is right for you, keeping safe, activities that appeal or do not, why are you interested in ‘this’, and trying to separate the good apples from the slimy, wormy ones.
One quick note that I feel I need to add, this advice is about just doing an exploration of the lifestyle and is NOT meant for diving into a relationship. Relationships take time to build plus the knowledge needed of the lifestyle and one’s self take even more time to acquire. Lifestyle relationships cannot just be jumped into like a pool. Jumping headfirst is not safe nor will you find it successful. Please do not just jump into the lifestyle relationship pool until you are one gosh darn good swimmer!
Okay, I now return to our regularly scheduled program that is not presented by a large shoe company. While this unnamed business has made billions from promoting its catchphrase of “just do it”, I thought it would be a great time to share ten short reasons to go ahead and just do your explorations of the lifestyle.
• Do not let the fear of failure intercept you from exploring. I believe you will feel more of a sense of failure if you do not allow yourself to learn about yourself and the lifestyle. If you discover the lifestyle is not for you, that is not a failure but an amazing piece of self-knowledge. Truly the only failure to fear is one of not being true to yourself and exploring what you are curious about.
• The hardest step is always the first one and the journey to something worthwhile always starts with some fear. It is okay to have some trepidation, everyone does but push through it. You will thank yourself later.
• You are good enough and this lifestyle is not limited to some special elite. You truly are amazing and you belong here exploring, growing, and I hope joining the community.
• The desire you feel inside you is there for a reason. Go forward, explore, and learn about it.
• If you do not like something in your life, you do have the power to change it. Do not wait for someone to swoop in and do it for you.
• We live in the information age, so if you are not sure where to start, ask Google or Siri. There is a wealth of knowledge about how and where to begin your new journey.
• The lifestyle is not perfect. Remember, imperfection is beautiful and so are you.
• Starting small is great. Small things build and grow into bigger things.
• No matter how you decide to go forward and you will grow.
• Do not spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if’, take action today.
©TLK2022
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4
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Let Me Adore You
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Posted:Aug 29, 2022 1:01 am
Last Updated:Aug 31, 2022 7:07 pm 14237 Views
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Give me long, calm days. Comfortable silences. The radiant warmth of your skin close to mine. Trailing fingers. Lingering kisses. Give me hours in your soft, indulgent energy. Tea and sunshine. Wine and fire. Passionate ideas. Words. Thoughts. Beaming grins. Give me long, heady nights with your fingers tangled in my hair. Give me your hardness, your frustration, your exhaustion. Let me adore you.
~the-erl-queen
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8
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~Sunday Sway
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Posted:Aug 28, 2022 2:28 am
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2023 12:15 pm 14586 Views
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* Dreaming ~ Blondie ~ Eat To The Beat
* The Maker ~ Willie Nelson ~Teatro
* On The Mend ~ Foo Fighters ~ In Your Honor
* Positively 4th Street ~ Meryl Saunders, Jerry Garcia ~Keystone Companions
* Sunday Morning ~ Maroon 5 ~ Songs About Jane
* Waterloo Sunset ~ The Kinks ~ Live 1975
* Hold It Now, Hit It ~ Beastie Boys ~ License to Ill
* How Can You Men A Broken Heart~ Al Green
* I'm Your Man ~ Leonard Cohen ~ I'm Your Man
* Waiting For The Man ~ David Bowie ~ Live From Santa Monica 1972
I'm Your Man ~ Leonard Cohen
If you want a lover, I'll do anything you ask me to.
And if you want another kind of love, I'll wear a mask for you.
If you want a partner, take my hand, or
If you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
I'm your man
If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
I'll examine every inch of you
If you want a driver, climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
I'm your man
Ah, the moon's too bright
The chain's too tight
The beast won't go to sleep
I've been running through
These promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
Ah, but a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
Or I'd crawl to you baby
And I'd fall at your feet
And I'd howl at your beauty
Like a in heat
And I'd claw at your heart
And I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please
I'm your man
And if you've got to sleep a moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you
If you want a father for your
Or only want to walk with me a while
Across the sand
I'm your man
If you want a lover
I'll do anything that you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love, I'll wear a mask for you.
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9
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Red Flags in BDSM...
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Posted:Aug 27, 2022 2:18 am
Last Updated:Sep 2, 2022 8:57 pm 14517 Views
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In order to maintain a healthy relationship, especially within the BDSM community, we need to be aware of signs of unhealthy behavior. Of course, these red flags can appear in any kind of relationship—but it’s extra important when you’re in a relationship with a power dynamic or a heightened risk of injury. Submissives, especially, often find themselves in unhealthy dynamics with no idea how to spot the problems. Dominants, too, are able to experience this. For this reason, I’ve developed an outline of some of the most common red flags I hear from followers and some resources to help you deal with them. (Images are products of the Red Flag Campaign).
The following are common things a partner might be doing if you’re in an unhealthy relationship:
Insists you do not need a safe word.
While some people prefer to play without a safe word, I will always speak against this practice. Safe words are crucial to a healthy D/s because without them, there is no way to revoke consent and that means you or your partner may not want to continue, but has no way of communicating this.
If your partner insists that you not use a safe word, you need to be firm in saying that will not be the case. I would take extreme caution with playing with someone who has suggested this, as it shows a lack of responsibility for your or your partner’s safety and mental health. Safe words should always be required of everyone in order safely. If you don’t want to use them, don’t use them—but always have them in place.
Claims have no hard or soft limits.
This one is more common with submissives, but Dominants do it, as well. Claiming one has no limits shows a) a lack of experience and/or b) dishonesty. Though some people have more limits than others, everyone has limits. If your partner is insisting that they have no limits, ask about something you consider extreme and see if they would agree to it. Communicate the importance of having limits so that everyone is aware of boundaries. No one should go into a scene blind to where the boundaries are.
Pressures you into playing in ways that violate your personal limits.
If you have established limits and your partner wants you to push them, there are ways to go about this.
1) You express a desire to want to get past a certain limit and your partner discusses ways they can help you with this in a safe and controlled manner to help you explore your sexuality.
2) Your partner hounds you to do something outside your limits and you feel really uncomfortable about this.
If your situation sounds like #2, you need either have a strict conversation with your partner about limits or you need to leave the relationship.
A healthy dynamic does not involve true force of any kind. Remember that everything within a D/s is consensual and if your partner is pushing you, to do something you don’t consent to, this is unhealthy. Technically, it is abuse or sexual assault. Don’t tolerate this behavior, and seek help if you need it.
Plays when they are angry or upset.
This is another sign of an abusive relationship. A good partner will not play when they are angry or upset. This can lead to safety concerns, emotional problems, and abuse.
Dominants who are angry and wish to punish their submissives need to take time to think about an appropriate punishment instead of lashing out. Physical violence is never a way to solve underlying problems. The submissive should know why they are being punished, agree that it is fair, and feel forgiven after the punishment.
Submissives who play when they are upset often cover up mental health problems. While healthy people can play after a bad day and feel much better—unhealthy folks will play to “hurt themselves,” so to speak, and will still feel bad after a scene. If this is the case, the submissive should seek counseling to work out their mental health problems instead of using D/s as a means to self-harm. Playing the sadist to an unstable masochist can end very, very badly. It is dangerous and shouldn’t ever be considered. Put your partner’s mental health above play at all times.
Insists that you address them as a specific title (Sir, Master, slut, fuck-toy) upon first meeting them.
This is a problem a lot of people face with potential partners. A fact of the matter is, you are no one’s slut or Master until you have formed a relationship of some kind with that person and you both agree to these titles. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to address them in a way you don’t like or be addressed in a disrespectful manner.
Does not provide aftercare.
Aftercare is absolutely crucial to a healthy D/s relationship, especially ones involving sadism and masochism. In fact, aftercare is often a defining difference between kink and abuse. Aftercare should be done automatically. If you are in need of aftercare and your partner doesn’t realize it—speak up! Both Dominants and submissives who need aftercare are entitled to it after a scene.
If your partner ignores your needs and does not provide aftercare, you need to leave the relationship. This is an abuse of power and shows a lack of responsibility. You should never leave a scene feeling bad. Aftercare is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. A guide to aftercare can be found here.
Does not respect your safe word.
Safe words, again, are required. If your partner ignores or refuses to respect your safe word, this is assault. The scene needs to end with your safe word, always. Anything past that is no different than continuing after a “no” for relationships without a specific safe word. This is a revoke of consent and anything further without explicit consent is assault.
Never, ever play with someone who doesn’t respect your needs to stop or pause the scene. This is dangerous and highly abusive.
Insists you stop using birth control or barriers during sex.
Some people like birth control restrictions with their partner, and that’s fine for stable relationships with the intent to care for any resulting from that pregnancy. However, if you are not intending on getting pregnant and your partner insists you stop using birth control, this is a major red flag. This is abusive and highly dangerous.
The same goes for couples who cannot get pregnant and use barriers like condoms to prevent the spread of STDs. Never be forced into not using these methods. If one person in a relationship wants to use them, they will be used. No further questions.
Initiates when you or your partner are intoxicated.
Couples can and will make their own decisions on this, and I am not here to tell you anything but the facts. Playing with an intoxicated person is assault. Even if you’re in a committed relationship. A person who is drunk or high cannot consent to sex legally in the US and you or your partner may end up with charges, even if the person says “yes.” Contracts and consent prior to intoxication do not hold up in court, either.
To be safe, always wait to play until the person is sober. For your safety and theirs, do not play with an intoxicated person.
Makes you feel guilty for using your safe word.
Never, ever feel guilty for needing to stop. It doesn’t matter if you need to stop because you were triggered or because your leg is cramping—never let your partner tell you it’s not okay.
Any partner that makes you feel bad for safe wording is a horrible person and doesn’t deserve your trust. It’s emotionally abusive to make someone feel bad for needing to stop play/sex. Don’t tolerate it—you have every right to decide if you need to stop.
Refuses to have conversations about consent/limits/desires.
Communication is so important. If your partner can’t communicate important things like limits, safe words, consent, or their desires, it’s going to be tricky. This is a red flag because it can lead to problems down the road. Relationships are difficult without proper communication—there simply isn’t a way around it. Insist on communicating these important topics or find a new partner who will.
Does not treat you as an equal or disrespect you out of scenes.
Unless you’ve discussed and agreed upon a 24/7 relationship, the scene ends with a safe word or natural progression. This means humiliation and painful physical contact stop there. Submissives who find themselves being put down by their partners out of scenes or at inappropriate times need to evaluate their relationship. Your self-worth will never depend on your partner and no one deserves to be with someone who makes them feel bad without their consent.
If any of the previous red flags apply to you or someone you love, please urge them to seek help. The following resources can be used in cases of sexual or physical violence:
National Sexual Assault Hotline (US): 1.800. 656.HOPE
Domestic Violence Hotline (US): 1-800-799-SAFE
~Dominant Life
*Achieve
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16
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Just Curious........
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Posted:Aug 25, 2022 4:18 am
Last Updated:Feb 13, 2024 1:05 am 15822 Views
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What's the weirdest, strangest stuff you waste time on the internet reading or watching that ISN'T porn? We all have dirty little nerdy secrets! What's yours?
For example, I have spent hours reading poetry and short stories (erotica). I've also spent some time watching gadget videos for cooking. But my biggest guilty pleasure lately is watching live music (concerts). Like bands, I've never heard of. Or Dylan when he was young.
So, what's your guilty pleasure?
~M
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43
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