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OneLastTime4Me 63M
7 posts
3/19/2017 8:54 pm
How far is too far - distance

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heartofmush 49F  
4444 posts
3/20/2017 8:31 am

i once was in a relationship with a fellow from New Zealand, and I am in Canada. Yes, we did also meet. Now that was way tooooooooooooooo far, and yet we kept communication often.

It is a hard thing to sustain, for eventually, if it to work out, one must make the move. I know some people are okay with long distance. I guess it is a subjective thing at times, it works for some, and for others it it terrible. I think in truly getting to know someone, you have to spend time with them, in person, but even then, people have these complex layers, but they are usually easier to suss out, than if the relationship is long distance.

Some would consider long distance driving an hour to get to the person. I think that is crazy, but as I said, it is subjective.

We seem to all have our limits of what defines long distance and what we will put into it, and tolerate to find that special someone. Some have found each other, across the miles, and for it work, one of them made the move, and got together for keeps.

“The eagle has no liberty; he only has loneliness.” – The Free Man, A Miscellany of Men. G.K. Chesterton

lastguymn 49M
7778 posts
3/20/2017 4:42 pm

It really depends on what you want from a relationship. If you are a busy person who likes their space and likes to compartmentalize your relationships, long distance can be ideal (especially if your long-distance partner is of a similar mind).

But...if you are looking for a relationship of true connectedness where you hope to weave the fabric of two lives together, from my experience, I would caution you to keep your search as local as possible.

Distance can be a heavy burden to shoulder. When your partner is having a rough day (or worse, a major tragedy) nothing will tear you apart more than the inability to be there for her/him when they need you the most. Phone calls and Skype and all our other communication technologies are great, but there are moments where they simply don't cut it.

Another problem I've encountered with distance is, when you are together, you are never really seeing the real person. When visits together are infrequent, they can turn into vacations or extended take off work, dress up special, basically clear your calendar of all of your obligations, so you can spend every possible precious moment together. The problem is, you can end up getting to know idealized versions of each other, not necessarily the versions of each other that trudge along tediously fighting the dragons of everyday life.

Infrequent meetings also come with a lot of pressure to make things go well. If you have a little disagreement or someone isn't feeling well or plans just go sideways (a problem that can be greatly amplified whenever kink or airlines are involved), it can completely ruin a rare opportunity to be together, and that's incredibly deflating. When you live close, "do overs" are much easier to pull off.

That said, if you find someone amazing who lives a distance away, don't let me dissuade you from possibly walking away from a great match, but it's good to think through all the complications. And get involved with your local kink community if there is one. I always thought I would have to travel far and wide to find a suitable partner, but I've since discovered there are many, many lovely kinky people living practically in my own backyard. Good luck!


"It's great to be here. It's great to be anywhere." -- Keith Richards

"There are many spokes on the wheel of life. First, we're here to explore new possibilities." -- Ray Charles

frankief_56 61M
7792 posts
3/20/2017 6:54 pm

I'm in midst of a 9 year relationship with a woman who spends 10 months a year teaching in Asia. When She's"home" were only 1700 miles apart. These days with skype and such, staying in touch is easy enough and if mental stimulation's your thing, great. Most of it depends on what you want. Some want someone to come home to Others (possibly me ) know if there was someone to come home to every night, it wouldn't last nearly as long.

It all depends OLT4M, Are you as emotionally stunted as I am? @grin@

Good luck to you, Friend, hope you find your woman...

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