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Jenlookingatyou 25F
35 posts
2/19/2017 12:19 am

So here I am. Where do I begin? My name is Jen. I am 24 years old. I live in Southern California. And just like my profile says, I am divorced. And while it is surely rare to see a divorced 24 year old, it is much better than seeing an unhappily married and abused 24 year old.

I got married at 19, not long after high school graduation. He was my high school sweetheart. I grew up as an ugly duckling. I had braces and glasses. I didn't like dresses. I acted and looked like a Tomboy. I was a loner in grade school. The kind of girl boys wouldn't give a second glance towards. I was a good student and enjoyed learning. Even though inside I was so incredibly lonely.

I didn't have a date until junior year in high school. That date turned out to be my eventual husband. He was sweet at first. I thought I was in love. It wasn't until after we got married that he turned into this jealous, vicious monster. He had to know where I was at all times. If I didn't respond to a call or text within 2 minutes he thought I was cheating on him. I would come home from work and he would smell me to see if I had another mans scent or cologne on me. It was hell.

Sexually, it started out great. He was my first everything... well, he wasn't my first kiss. That was my friend Rebecca. But that didn't really count. Anyway, we had great sexual chemistry at first. I enjoyed being with him. But then it got to where it was only about him. I had to service him. I had to give him a blowjob anytime he wanted. Now, in a Dom/sub relationship, that's fine. It's even a huge turn on. But in a marriage, where it's supposed to be equal, it's not fun at all. I wouldn't say the R word, because I could leave anytime I wanted, but there were times it certainly wasn't consensual. And I am filled with regret and shame everyday that I didn't get out sooner. I would always make excuses about my bruises, or my tears. I protected him. I don't know why. But I did. And I guess in a way, I was protecting myself. I thought that if I kept that part hidden from everyone else, I could pretend that it wasn't really happening. Denial coupled with shame, is pretty powerful.

Last year I finally left him. Such a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. And even though I know he could show up at anytime, I feel more free than I ever have. He used to tell me that I wouldn't find anyone who wanted me like he did. No one else would ever want to fuck me. He was the only one who truly loved me and ever thought of me. Well he is now shit out of luck. Here I am, looking to share my story, my fantasies, my experiences, my wishes, my love... all of me. And I don't give a fuck about him or what he did to me. He suppressed a huge part of me for so long, that now I have to let it out. That's why I chose to come here. I figured this is a safe place to tell my story, and show myself off to people who will appreciate me for who I am. A smart, intelligent, funny, somewhat pretty, sexual woman. So if you see me talking about blowjobs or golden showers, or the scars of physical and emotional abuse or the horrors of being in an abusive relationship, or if you see me posting a particularly personal picture of myself... just know that I do this because I can. For the first time in my life, I can. And I will not apologize for any of it. This is me.

xntrick 52M
2841 posts
2/19/2017 1:07 am

Congrats for leaving him and good luck on the road ahead.

eliza1234 43F  
1216 posts
2/19/2017 1:33 am

Good for you, look forward to reading more. Welcome to blog land.

sub_nouveau 48F  
6522 posts
2/19/2017 1:52 am

Its awesome to hear that you've taken back control of your life and are focussing on a positive future. Congratulations on being such a courageous woman! You deserve every happiness

Let's talk. It's how we learn about yesterday and comprehend today.

camperdude_69 56M  
385 posts
2/19/2017 2:29 am

welcome & good luck

smiley66630 31M  
3 posts
2/19/2017 4:40 am

sounds like he is a real loser, didn't know he had a gem.

Sadisticgent 54M  
6 posts
2/19/2017 5:27 am

Well done

slaveforyou365 56M  
598 posts
2/19/2017 5:37 am

Slave rick

rebel_luey 50F  
2050 posts
2/19/2017 6:45 am

Welcome to blogland and good for you that you took control of your life. I look forward to reading more of your blogs.

"We're one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan"
Nick Cave

Dreamcatcher__ 81M  
4411 posts
2/19/2017 7:37 am

Unfortunately, you have a lot to cleanse from your memory. Fortunately, you have the courage to do it and revel in the release that breaking with the past and starting over has given you. I look forward to finding all of the real, new, exciting you in these pages soon.



DancingDom 68M  
8727 posts
2/19/2017 2:43 pm

Welcome to blogland. Best to you for the future. Look at every relationship. good or bad, as a learning experience. You are now a wiser woman.

"One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"

Sucker4Ever 106M
4783 posts
2/19/2017 6:12 pm

Hi Jen, read this and the one from yesterday, Why start a blog. You have so much going in your favor, I could make a long list.
If you don't mind, a word of advice . . . From what I can see of your profile photos, you have a really nice sexy ass! I would suggest using that or one of the 23 others as your main. Showing your pretty face on here, in your situation in particular, in my opinion, is not the wisest thing to do.
Welcome to Alt Blogs, you sexy young thing!

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

Tbill1 51M
856 posts
2/19/2017 8:25 pm

Well, first thing I noticed was your hot bod. Second, when I started reading I thought, she should fill out a police report of that jerk in case he bothers you again. Thanks for sharing.


Jenlookingatyou 25F
1 post
2/20/2017 5:44 am

Thank you all for the wonderful comments. It truly makes my heart smile to read such positive comments. You never know what you're going to get when you put yourself out there. But I'm glad I did. Thank you. And just to answer one of the questions I have been asked, I did file a police report. After the fact. But he is on notice with them, and I haven't had any contact with him in almost 6 months. So I think everything is ok there. Thank you again for your concern. It does mean a lot to me.


Ghost90025 52M
107 posts
2/22/2017 4:48 pm

I am glad you had the courage to leave, as you should have. Best of luck with everything.

sweetnikki949 31F  
20 posts
2/24/2017 2:11 am

Good for u girl!!! I think ur gorgeous and strong and incredibly inspirational!!!!! (a hell of a good writer too! ;-p )

gushluvr 63M  
4 posts
4/22/2017 1:25 am

Fabulous Jen. Nikki is right about you being a hell of a writer ,but, more importantly, your soul is healing. You had me at talking about golden showers...!! Love to hear more dear !

luis_antonio 61M
2 posts
4/28/2017 10:00 pm

Dejarlo fue lo mejor que pudiste haber hecho y no tienes que pedir perdon por nadaa.besos

luis_antonio 61M
2 posts
4/28/2017 10:03 pm

Dejarlo fue lo mejor que pudiste haber hecho y no tienes que pedir perdon por nada.besos

swollenmember 60M
7 posts
5/20/2017 8:09 am

I'm proud of you. Now you can begin to enjoy life !!!

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