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Softlysexy 58F
0 posts
3/23/2017 7:49 am
Warmth and Light


It would seem I have forgotten the value how much value there can be in stream of consciousness documentation.. Reading through old journals, letters to myself, it dawned on me how helpful this words when my path was rocky, how precious memories of celebrations of happy times might have been lost had I not written of them.

Perhaps it is time I resumed this habit, to see if I cannot write the answer to myself and cure this unrest in my heart and soul.

It is not my norm to be so restive, unable to sleep, lacking concentration and the discipline to get through each day. I have, perhaps with the abandonment of those journals, lost the ability to recognize small mental victories and use those victories as motivational building blocks to the next one.

Is it that I am lonely? Is feeling lonely always a byproduct of being alone? If I were to answer those questions, I would say no to both.. More akin to lonesome.. the tree standing far from others, in winter sad, desolate, without color and life, bent by the wind. Yes, in summer alive with color, standing tall, vibrant. Yet, during each season a refuge, birds, insects find protection in the branches, burrowing animals make their homes beneath the solid trunk and in small hollow places.. Never really quite alone, but appearing so and without the warmth and light of the sun seeming sad and colorless, frozen in time.

Without the warmth, the light of the man among men that I seek, my Dominant, I am indeed, lonesome.. friends reach out to me for solace and wrap themselves in my protection and warmth, we rejoice together their victories, but without that light they cannot see mine.

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.
Rumi




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